the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
