He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
