I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
