When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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