She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
