I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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