I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
