Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
