I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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