hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
