OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
