Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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