and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
