I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
