Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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