My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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