"it" just moved
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
