Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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