we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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