its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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