A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
