Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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