Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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