That's intense
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
