Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
