Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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