Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My ass is underappreciated
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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