Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
