end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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