I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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