just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
