dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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