i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
love makes seman taste better
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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