quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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