You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
