We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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