I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
how drunk are you?
Several
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
