My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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