If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Do vagina's smell?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Randomize
