i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
