WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
