So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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