I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
