how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
