I didn't shave. On purpose
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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