Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
