He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
