Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
