i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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