Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Swine flu is the new snow day.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
