I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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